I know I am NOT in love but........

God, why such feelings come again, I don't need it, I want to love, but not infatuating again!!! I love him because of his babyface looks yet sexy voice?! You Devil!! Is this ur next plan of becoming reckless in self indulgence? Please I don't want it!! Not this sem, fed up already of feeling the same, this childish crush, how many time you inflict me on this, for the fourth time already!! Geezzz

p/s: wat an emotional post, sry ^^;;

The hardest thing to do is actually to love those who hated you~~

Well this post is not solely regarding to that title above, there are lot more to told about.. but my mind is currently imagining the 2nd commandment of Jesus Christ, which is to LOVE others as He had LOVED everyone..

Seriously, that one is the one I'm still struggling to make up for, as a human being I can't run away from evil feelings such as dislikeness, jealousy and even hatred, I dont particularly hate someone at the moment till I wish that person death or something.. but there's something deep inside which is terribly ugly which only myself are able to understand, and hopefully God understands too..

I cried out, not begging for forgiveness or anything.. but cried out in guilt, wondering why the hell do i have to feel this way, I kept wondering why i childishly dislike someone especially when they seems better than me, especially the ones that Im hoping to be, really hoped to be..*sigh*

Been wishing since forever to ease out these feeling.. maybe it won't fade away, I sincerely hope this evil feeling of mind don't hurt others psychically or emotionally.. I pray to GOD for this.. amen

Peristiwa Check in..

This time I shall write in Bahasa Melayu loghat Sabahan kay? My accent is not that great but at least its not complicated compared to Swakian slang, its was pretty hard for me to understand until now hehe..

Ne sebenarnya sambungan creta kami bertiga dari Borneo yang mau check-in ke bilik masing2... setelah merempuh perjalanan selama hampir 24 jam campur masa tidur kami sana airport.. akhirnya sampai juga kami ke kampus yg "disayangi" ini.

Tapi

Kami telah ditahan oleh pegawai keselamatan sana dekat depan library , bukan jg dia mau tahan kami ka apa gia, dia sekadar tanya psl tujuan kmi dtg sne kampus sbb sepatutnya suma pelajar senior diberi permission tuk check in kampus punya hostel pd 10hb... adui kitaorg suda booking tiket awal2 ba abang, tu announcement sna e-com pun baru keluar 2-3 hari lepas, padahal awal bulan lalu lagi ktorg suda start booking tiket, yalah kalau book awal2 tambang masih berpatutan, kalau last2 minit mau book, menangis owh duit terbang byk2.. tu pun nda suda ambi flight dr KL g kuantan pakai MAS, jln p kuantan naik bus, belanja kampus makin lama makin tinggi owh, sampai skarang masih lg dsponsor parents, sian sa tingu dorang berabis cari duit bha, jgn la ba kasih susah dorang sgt dalam hati sa bilang..

K k bebalik kepada peristiwa check in tue, nasib la abang guard tu sangat understanding pasal situasi kami bertiga, so dipendekkan creta ktorg lapor diri dkt jhepa pastu dorang bagi lar pas khas supaya taula kami ada hal masuk sne u awal.. smalam ada jg fasi Minds wat inspection smalam di bilik, nasip la ada tu pas, silap2 kana halau kami/ nda pun kana lecture, huhu sa knal jg tu fasi walaupun dia nda kanal sa langsung, dia paling tegas dalam pemerhatian sa dalam sesi Minds tahun lepas, tahun ne dia ikut jg rupanya, huhu mmg aktif pla dia tue..

Oh ya, sa suda check in, kawan sorang lg tumpang sa, tp ada bekas rumate sne, nda tekemas brg2 dia, so pas contact dia, dia akan kasi kemas lg brg2 dia, rupanya dia nda jg duduk sna, kwn dia pla duduk situ, tp duduk lg di bilik lain, aeekkk patutla teda org masuk bilik masa tu, hish2 nda paya la panjang creta pasal ne..

Habis suda creta psl check in, yg penting ada bilik suda bha, nnt ada lg kwn mau tumpang bemalam di bilik sebelum tarikh rasmi check in.. pastu akan dtg jg rumate2 sa yg sebenar, mcm nda sabar pla jumpa ngan dorang, ada perasaan bercampur baur jg sbb ne kali rumate sa macam jg dr golongan rumate sa ms 1st sem, tp junior ma, snang sket la tu...hmmm... harap2 la huhu

peace n out~~

A new semester has begun again!!!

The day started pretty late for my journey to go back to campus, It was the last flight on 6th from 9.25 till midnight, along with my 3 other friends, one of them was invited by their relatives to stay at KL with them, so she will go back later than both of us. Luckily one more was there to accompany us to go to KL taking the same hour of flight in Swak, so in ratio 1:2.. 1 Swakian and 2 Sabahan, all girls huhu..

Once we arrived at airport, we asked around the bus station outside, about how to go to Kuantan, in other words, which route should we take to reach the bus terminal to take bus there. But since Puduraya the main bus terminal was/still shut down for upgrade, there were two other destination left, Pekelling or Anjung Putra (Dont really remember the exact name) according to one of bus attendant there.... Hmmphh the bus attendants were really something, one was busy playing sudoku who didn't care much about our questions while the other one was mocking my Sabahan accent (I was the one who asked), wow what an interesting mentality, 1 Malaysia kunun, but making fun of others because of our own identity, should I speak English then? even Malay pun can't understand ka??

Enough with asking, we decided to stay at airport since it was too early to take bus there will be no bus to go to Kuantan anyway from terminals, moreover the fees to go there (terminal) was expensive, around RM18!! Better if we take airbus RM9 then take monorail RM2.50, then arrive at pekeliling.

So the morning came, It was a hectic nite, not being able to sleep properly because we have bench and floor left as our sleeping place haiyaa, so better than floor which is really cool, we sat on the bench sleeping till the morning come. We took the airbus, then monorail, till we arrived at Pekeliling, took the bus at 9.30.. then finally arrived at UMP around noon, hoorayyy

Well not yet until the check in process...hmm will continue tommorow if my memory still fresh about it la.

A brand new start!!!

Just now I changed my blog layout into more relaxed feeling ones taken randomly from blogspot designer. This blogging thingy isn't over yet, and Im kinda feeling hopeful, to someday being able to BE what I truly want to be.. someday, *sigh* such a unpredictable phase don't ya think?

Haiyo, haiyoo.. and haiyo.. what have i done previously through my blog.. god dammit such a unexplained matter to elaborate with ^_^;;

Fuck up mind continues again XD

emo... layan ja la emo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now possibilities I'd never considered
Are occurring the likes of which I'd never heard
Now an angry soul comes back from beyond the grave
To repossess a body with which I'd misbehaved


yeahh she came back, hurry up with your revenge!!!! He deserve it anyway, so it seems like lose2 situation, and hell i like it!!

Smiling right from ear to ear
Almost laughed herself to tears

Must have stabbed him fifty fucking times, I can't believe it
Ripped his heart out right before his eyes, eyes over easy
Eat it, eat it, eat it

Equality never seems so good >.<

Now that it's done I realize the error of my ways
I must venture back to apologize from somewhere far beyond the grave

I gotta make up for what I've done
Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven
While you burned in hell, no peace forever

Well too late my dear, cause I'm coming to give back what you've done to me wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

waihh the rest was just the repeat of chorus of "baby don't cry" then these line comes up...

I will suffer for so long (What will you do, not long enough)
To make it up to you (I pray to God that you do)
I'll do whatever you want me to do (Well then I'll grant you one chance)
And if it's not enough (If it's not enough, it's not enough)

If it's not enough (Not enough)
Try again (Try again)
And again (And again)
Over and over again

We're coming back, coming back
We'll live forever, live forever
Let's have wedding, have a wedding
Let's start the killing, start the killing

~~ a fuckin happy ending I guess~~~

Life is Hard, but DEATH is EASY

there's one particular song that's still stuck in my head, an amazing one at least to my views.. its called A little piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold, its for the fucking mindless fella to love this song... and for the hell of it, I fell for it ahahahaha...

Before the story begins, is it such a sin
For me to take what's mine, until the end of time
We were more than friends, before the story ends
And I will take what's mine, create what God would never design


Here's what I thought, there comes a time a purely sinful thought of mine when I truly despise GOD for his creation, it was not satisfying me at all, why oh why I HAVE to live this way, why am I being like this, born like this, YOU did not ask for my permission at all!!! Yeah that's what I've thought, so these lines pretty much indulging my fuckin mind that suggest, if GOD can't do it for me, then I shall do it myself, with my power....huh such a manifestation of retribution denial!!!

Our love had been so strong for far too long
I was weak with fear that something would go wrong
Before the possibilities came true, I took all possibility from you
Almost laughed myself to tears, conjuring her deepest fears


I like the line which says "I was weak with fear"... yah I am weak, and hell I'm glad of admitting it, "what if" smt goes not according to what I want?? I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET IT... morals are not consider anymore...blah!!

(Come here you fucking bitch)

Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times, I can't believe it
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes, eyes over easy
Eat it, eat it, eat it


She FUCKING deserve it!!! Simply sayin ahaha


She was never this good in bed, even when she was sleeping
Now she's just so perfect, I've never been quite so fucking deep in

It goes on and on and on
I can keep you looking young and preserved forever
With a fountain to spray on your youth whenever


Don't mind the two lines earlier, I can't say much except "YOU"RE FUCKING A CORPSE YOU FUCKIN' SOAB!!!!!!!!!" ahahahaha, yah he's extremely sick... But I loved how his intention to preserve his lover's youth.. hahaha... all for himself, nobody else, not even his lover.. hmm


Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time but bye bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

heck, this is meaningless until the next part below..

You had my heart, at least for the most part
Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

yeah everybody'g gotta die sometime, so y not I decide my OWN time of death hmm?? Or time of others?? Sounds tempting ehehehe~~


wah long post.. i shall continue on other later 8P