Heya Bloggie..
Kinda missing writing smt to share about,im not the type of being outspoken or
"outminded" whatever the term is... It's just that, it happens that I wanted to tell smthing that I might read it again in the future u know?
I've been enviously admiring everybody that i know, and I wish i knew them. They seem so....happy with their life, being together with friends, their loved ones, kinda jealous by looking at their smiling faces, and is secretly wishing I have the same thing as them..
I've been reflecting myself a lot, I realized that I don't express much about myself, its not like I don't want to, but I prefer being reserved all to myself.. Don't speak much, till reality hit me!! Bang!! I think I'm being timid!! The worst kind of timid, who doesn't want to admit that she's super duper timid ayayaiii!!!
Ya I kinda hate that part of me, it does affect me in several ways, nowadays I rarely communicate enough, just take my roomates for example, I knew their name and that's it!! I don't know who they are, whr they're from blalblabla.... the same as I don't like to share my background with others till i treat them the same way too.. *sigh*
Then I realized that I was too late.. to change myself, the thing is when Im not willing to do smting, I really don't.. I'm just not that friendly enough, and hates to talk too much, my introvert side still stay strong within me... until I finally realized, I don't have anybody close, even my parents.. don't get the wrong way, I love them but I don't feel connected at all.. whenever there's a conversation, I am the only receiver, they are the sender.. most of the time, its not that I can't express myself, but I don't know what is the best way to do so.
Being fake is what I've been doing lately, doing silly jokes js to make others laugh is the least thing I can do to have a bit spark in my life, smile whenever I felt like when I was actually angry, chatting nonsense with others but at the same time worry about the worst possibility, whatever the situation is....
Maybe Im js confused, maybe Im js afraid of losing, maybe I just don't care
MAYBE its time to have something meaningful in my life.. MAYBE I NEED U... BUT WILL U RESPOND??
