Something to share about

 

life goes on

this semester just gets rougher.. not tougher yet

it comes to realization of mine that actually I do have free time, not that busy, perhaps the time hasn’t come yet hmm?

well if I got time to complain about things, then I must have also have the time to do something about it right??

that’s all folks~~

Windows live Writter

Which provides convenience for it’s blogger to write/share their views without browsing the internet beforehand… hmmm

 

Well Hello again ^^ How long has it been? since 2010!

Wowww… It has been that long already??

 

Yeah right, sorry my Foot!! Why should I be sorry? Hmm?

It took (and still am) to figure out about the future of this blog of mine. I’ve read all of my previous post, just one page behind though, not that bothered to read more of them >.>…

Since the past years of being student, the final hurdles has come… soon, my final season of being an university student has come to it’s “full bloom”… well.. almost, 1 more semester to go~~ And to be honest, I can feel myself growing:

but well…

A truth that can never be denied, for sure… I’m not that daring to say that I’ve matured throughout these years, but somehow growing up is and still there, regardless of age/mentality/values/attitudes….

^_^

I'm lucky enough to breathe, able to eat, healthy body, perfect senses and limbs, a decent face, a good family and friends and a peaceful country, I'm just lacking on realization of these facts ^_^

p/s: keep on chanting how wonderful your life is, its the best life I ever living now

Its Been a while..... heck a long time ^^"

Heya Bloggie..

Kinda missing writing smt to share about,im not the type of being outspoken or
"outminded" whatever the term is... It's just that, it happens that I wanted to tell smthing that I might read it again in the future u know?

I've been enviously admiring everybody that i know, and I wish i knew them. They seem so....happy with their life, being together with friends, their loved ones, kinda jealous by looking at their smiling faces, and is secretly wishing I have the same thing as them..

I've been reflecting myself a lot, I realized that I don't express much about myself, its not like I don't want to, but I prefer being reserved all to myself.. Don't speak much, till reality hit me!! Bang!! I think I'm being timid!! The worst kind of timid, who doesn't want to admit that she's super duper timid ayayaiii!!!

Ya I kinda hate that part of me, it does affect me in several ways, nowadays I rarely communicate enough, just take my roomates for example, I knew their name and that's it!! I don't know who they are, whr they're from blalblabla.... the same as I don't like to share my background with others till i treat them the same way too.. *sigh*

Then I realized that I was too late.. to change myself, the thing is when Im not willing to do smting, I really don't.. I'm just not that friendly enough, and hates to talk too much, my introvert side still stay strong within me... until I finally realized, I don't have anybody close, even my parents.. don't get the wrong way, I love them but I don't feel connected at all.. whenever there's a conversation, I am the only receiver, they are the sender.. most of the time, its not that I can't express myself, but I don't know what is the best way to do so.

Being fake is what I've been doing lately, doing silly jokes js to make others laugh is the least thing I can do to have a bit spark in my life, smile whenever I felt like when I was actually angry, chatting nonsense with others but at the same time worry about the worst possibility, whatever the situation is....

Maybe Im js confused, maybe Im js afraid of losing, maybe I just don't care

MAYBE its time to have something meaningful in my life.. MAYBE I NEED U... BUT WILL U RESPOND??

I know I am NOT in love but........

God, why such feelings come again, I don't need it, I want to love, but not infatuating again!!! I love him because of his babyface looks yet sexy voice?! You Devil!! Is this ur next plan of becoming reckless in self indulgence? Please I don't want it!! Not this sem, fed up already of feeling the same, this childish crush, how many time you inflict me on this, for the fourth time already!! Geezzz

p/s: wat an emotional post, sry ^^;;

The hardest thing to do is actually to love those who hated you~~

Well this post is not solely regarding to that title above, there are lot more to told about.. but my mind is currently imagining the 2nd commandment of Jesus Christ, which is to LOVE others as He had LOVED everyone..

Seriously, that one is the one I'm still struggling to make up for, as a human being I can't run away from evil feelings such as dislikeness, jealousy and even hatred, I dont particularly hate someone at the moment till I wish that person death or something.. but there's something deep inside which is terribly ugly which only myself are able to understand, and hopefully God understands too..

I cried out, not begging for forgiveness or anything.. but cried out in guilt, wondering why the hell do i have to feel this way, I kept wondering why i childishly dislike someone especially when they seems better than me, especially the ones that Im hoping to be, really hoped to be..*sigh*

Been wishing since forever to ease out these feeling.. maybe it won't fade away, I sincerely hope this evil feeling of mind don't hurt others psychically or emotionally.. I pray to GOD for this.. amen

Peristiwa Check in..

This time I shall write in Bahasa Melayu loghat Sabahan kay? My accent is not that great but at least its not complicated compared to Swakian slang, its was pretty hard for me to understand until now hehe..

Ne sebenarnya sambungan creta kami bertiga dari Borneo yang mau check-in ke bilik masing2... setelah merempuh perjalanan selama hampir 24 jam campur masa tidur kami sana airport.. akhirnya sampai juga kami ke kampus yg "disayangi" ini.

Tapi

Kami telah ditahan oleh pegawai keselamatan sana dekat depan library , bukan jg dia mau tahan kami ka apa gia, dia sekadar tanya psl tujuan kmi dtg sne kampus sbb sepatutnya suma pelajar senior diberi permission tuk check in kampus punya hostel pd 10hb... adui kitaorg suda booking tiket awal2 ba abang, tu announcement sna e-com pun baru keluar 2-3 hari lepas, padahal awal bulan lalu lagi ktorg suda start booking tiket, yalah kalau book awal2 tambang masih berpatutan, kalau last2 minit mau book, menangis owh duit terbang byk2.. tu pun nda suda ambi flight dr KL g kuantan pakai MAS, jln p kuantan naik bus, belanja kampus makin lama makin tinggi owh, sampai skarang masih lg dsponsor parents, sian sa tingu dorang berabis cari duit bha, jgn la ba kasih susah dorang sgt dalam hati sa bilang..

K k bebalik kepada peristiwa check in tue, nasib la abang guard tu sangat understanding pasal situasi kami bertiga, so dipendekkan creta ktorg lapor diri dkt jhepa pastu dorang bagi lar pas khas supaya taula kami ada hal masuk sne u awal.. smalam ada jg fasi Minds wat inspection smalam di bilik, nasip la ada tu pas, silap2 kana halau kami/ nda pun kana lecture, huhu sa knal jg tu fasi walaupun dia nda kanal sa langsung, dia paling tegas dalam pemerhatian sa dalam sesi Minds tahun lepas, tahun ne dia ikut jg rupanya, huhu mmg aktif pla dia tue..

Oh ya, sa suda check in, kawan sorang lg tumpang sa, tp ada bekas rumate sne, nda tekemas brg2 dia, so pas contact dia, dia akan kasi kemas lg brg2 dia, rupanya dia nda jg duduk sna, kwn dia pla duduk situ, tp duduk lg di bilik lain, aeekkk patutla teda org masuk bilik masa tu, hish2 nda paya la panjang creta pasal ne..

Habis suda creta psl check in, yg penting ada bilik suda bha, nnt ada lg kwn mau tumpang bemalam di bilik sebelum tarikh rasmi check in.. pastu akan dtg jg rumate2 sa yg sebenar, mcm nda sabar pla jumpa ngan dorang, ada perasaan bercampur baur jg sbb ne kali rumate sa macam jg dr golongan rumate sa ms 1st sem, tp junior ma, snang sket la tu...hmmm... harap2 la huhu

peace n out~~

A new semester has begun again!!!

The day started pretty late for my journey to go back to campus, It was the last flight on 6th from 9.25 till midnight, along with my 3 other friends, one of them was invited by their relatives to stay at KL with them, so she will go back later than both of us. Luckily one more was there to accompany us to go to KL taking the same hour of flight in Swak, so in ratio 1:2.. 1 Swakian and 2 Sabahan, all girls huhu..

Once we arrived at airport, we asked around the bus station outside, about how to go to Kuantan, in other words, which route should we take to reach the bus terminal to take bus there. But since Puduraya the main bus terminal was/still shut down for upgrade, there were two other destination left, Pekelling or Anjung Putra (Dont really remember the exact name) according to one of bus attendant there.... Hmmphh the bus attendants were really something, one was busy playing sudoku who didn't care much about our questions while the other one was mocking my Sabahan accent (I was the one who asked), wow what an interesting mentality, 1 Malaysia kunun, but making fun of others because of our own identity, should I speak English then? even Malay pun can't understand ka??

Enough with asking, we decided to stay at airport since it was too early to take bus there will be no bus to go to Kuantan anyway from terminals, moreover the fees to go there (terminal) was expensive, around RM18!! Better if we take airbus RM9 then take monorail RM2.50, then arrive at pekeliling.

So the morning came, It was a hectic nite, not being able to sleep properly because we have bench and floor left as our sleeping place haiyaa, so better than floor which is really cool, we sat on the bench sleeping till the morning come. We took the airbus, then monorail, till we arrived at Pekeliling, took the bus at 9.30.. then finally arrived at UMP around noon, hoorayyy

Well not yet until the check in process...hmm will continue tommorow if my memory still fresh about it la.

A brand new start!!!

Just now I changed my blog layout into more relaxed feeling ones taken randomly from blogspot designer. This blogging thingy isn't over yet, and Im kinda feeling hopeful, to someday being able to BE what I truly want to be.. someday, *sigh* such a unpredictable phase don't ya think?

Haiyo, haiyoo.. and haiyo.. what have i done previously through my blog.. god dammit such a unexplained matter to elaborate with ^_^;;

Fuck up mind continues again XD

emo... layan ja la emo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now possibilities I'd never considered
Are occurring the likes of which I'd never heard
Now an angry soul comes back from beyond the grave
To repossess a body with which I'd misbehaved


yeahh she came back, hurry up with your revenge!!!! He deserve it anyway, so it seems like lose2 situation, and hell i like it!!

Smiling right from ear to ear
Almost laughed herself to tears

Must have stabbed him fifty fucking times, I can't believe it
Ripped his heart out right before his eyes, eyes over easy
Eat it, eat it, eat it

Equality never seems so good >.<

Now that it's done I realize the error of my ways
I must venture back to apologize from somewhere far beyond the grave

I gotta make up for what I've done
Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven
While you burned in hell, no peace forever

Well too late my dear, cause I'm coming to give back what you've done to me wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

waihh the rest was just the repeat of chorus of "baby don't cry" then these line comes up...

I will suffer for so long (What will you do, not long enough)
To make it up to you (I pray to God that you do)
I'll do whatever you want me to do (Well then I'll grant you one chance)
And if it's not enough (If it's not enough, it's not enough)

If it's not enough (Not enough)
Try again (Try again)
And again (And again)
Over and over again

We're coming back, coming back
We'll live forever, live forever
Let's have wedding, have a wedding
Let's start the killing, start the killing

~~ a fuckin happy ending I guess~~~

Life is Hard, but DEATH is EASY

there's one particular song that's still stuck in my head, an amazing one at least to my views.. its called A little piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold, its for the fucking mindless fella to love this song... and for the hell of it, I fell for it ahahahaha...

Before the story begins, is it such a sin
For me to take what's mine, until the end of time
We were more than friends, before the story ends
And I will take what's mine, create what God would never design


Here's what I thought, there comes a time a purely sinful thought of mine when I truly despise GOD for his creation, it was not satisfying me at all, why oh why I HAVE to live this way, why am I being like this, born like this, YOU did not ask for my permission at all!!! Yeah that's what I've thought, so these lines pretty much indulging my fuckin mind that suggest, if GOD can't do it for me, then I shall do it myself, with my power....huh such a manifestation of retribution denial!!!

Our love had been so strong for far too long
I was weak with fear that something would go wrong
Before the possibilities came true, I took all possibility from you
Almost laughed myself to tears, conjuring her deepest fears


I like the line which says "I was weak with fear"... yah I am weak, and hell I'm glad of admitting it, "what if" smt goes not according to what I want?? I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET IT... morals are not consider anymore...blah!!

(Come here you fucking bitch)

Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times, I can't believe it
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes, eyes over easy
Eat it, eat it, eat it


She FUCKING deserve it!!! Simply sayin ahaha


She was never this good in bed, even when she was sleeping
Now she's just so perfect, I've never been quite so fucking deep in

It goes on and on and on
I can keep you looking young and preserved forever
With a fountain to spray on your youth whenever


Don't mind the two lines earlier, I can't say much except "YOU"RE FUCKING A CORPSE YOU FUCKIN' SOAB!!!!!!!!!" ahahahaha, yah he's extremely sick... But I loved how his intention to preserve his lover's youth.. hahaha... all for himself, nobody else, not even his lover.. hmm


Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time but bye bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

heck, this is meaningless until the next part below..

You had my heart, at least for the most part
Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

yeah everybody'g gotta die sometime, so y not I decide my OWN time of death hmm?? Or time of others?? Sounds tempting ehehehe~~


wah long post.. i shall continue on other later 8P

The truth is, I can't live without the INTERNET!!

everyday in my daily live, waking up, tidying myself then straight go to open my laptop to surf the net... INTERNET.. what an interesting phenomena, it is something that DO exist BUT in reality, we cannot see it physically.. more or less in real life.. It's kind of alter world of our very own planet so called earth... but what is it that draws us mostly to internet of all things?? to answer this question, I need to reflect to myself about my relationship with the internet.

*weird.. all of sudden I feel dizzy @_@*

Progress Azam tahun ne...*garuk kepala*

1. GPA sampai 3.7++, setelah dicabar oleh PA

Turun pla sem ne... aduii... ndapa sem depan ada can lagi, dun give up!!

2. Rutin Harian lebih konsisten, maksudnya nda lupa cuci muka, berus gigi, ngan hal2 yg sewaktu dgnnya ahahaa.. tp serius ne sbb perkara ne sudah jarang sa tekankan.

Tpksa blajar disiplin balik ne..ish


3. Melayani-Nya dgn lebih mendalam, maksudnya rajin2 baca bible (seminggu 3 kali pastu tiap2 hari lah), p church (sebagai perlayanan yg sa mampu lakukan) dan bt confession, sa masih br so sa blum ada experience pasal bhgn itu.

Time management still on progress... paham2 ja lah

4. Belajar balik Bahasa Mandarin ngan Jepun, at least 1 day is dedicated to revise a bit of both these language.

x buat tapi perasan jg ada improvement sikit, at least buli paham la bila dgr bhs2 ne dipertuturkan

5. Improve my Emotional Intelligence, speech, and my critical thinking skills.
ON progress

6. Jumpa PA seminggu sekali, sedaya upaya cari masalah pas tu berundinglah ngan dia. Kalau teda tue jan la pandai2 p kacau bha kan?
ON progress

7. Tambah berat badan!! Yg sebenarnya sa rs ok suda sbb smakin kurus, cuma tinggal mau tambah kepejalan otot jak ahahahhaa.. biar tough 2 badan sket.
Batal!! Tukar kpd senaman lah


8. Re-plan hajat mau daki Gunung Kinabalu.
Budget n scope problem

9. Kumpul duit sket2 mau pg Oversea, kena check status passport dlu la ne.

Bru tpg Singapore, mau pg Jepun ne
10. Belajar naik basikal, kalau pandai suda, beli second hand punya.. kalau bru punya nda mampu wei.
Stakat ne masih pakai kaki

11. Expand my network connection little by little, guna facebook la sbg main tools dia uhuhuhu.
On progress

12. Be a bit expressive, don't care what other's think without challenging their sensitivity. Progress infinite

13. Blajar sket pasal Microsoft Project. Not started >.<

14. Blajar sket pasal grooming technique. still 1% progress

Let's learn the truth... for real this time

The truth is.... I think more than speak and write, I observe rather than participate, I listen rather than hear...

Truth is....I'm just a weak parasite, living by depending on others and at the same time doesn't have own space of life..

Truth is, I'm selfish, more than others can imagine, i put myself first, never once others..

Truth is, I'm a coward... a true coward who easily gets demotivated when something goes wrong..

If these truths ever become lie.. then I am the most grateful of all

Thinking of terminating my blog >.>

maybe blogging is simply not my thing, perhaps its just a mischievous way of thinking.. well lets see, if there's no update within a month of this blog... consider it dead already *shoots*

The truth is, I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!!!

seriously, whatever that is happening around me doesn't seems to bother me at all,

festive season? Marriage? that shit has nothing to do with me at all!!!
Who are you to call yourself my brother you freaky selfish bastard!!!
I dont recall having any siblings.. you just saying whatever pleases you... n thats y I enjoyed myself by not responding to you, I knew that annoys you so much as i do whenever you were pestering me to follow whatever you said.... blarggghhh.. makes me wanna throw up you sleazy fella!!!

I'm grateful and I'm giving thanks to all~

Firstly, thank you God, for ever made me born in this World and is still alive today..

Thank You to my Parents, Mama, you are an almost impossible for me to follow your footsteps for, but you're a definitely an inspiration to me, thank you for being my mother, thank you for doing your role, thank you for loving me.. thank you for everything, I am grateful for ever being you daughter, I'm truly grateful for being a part of your life and mine too. And Achan too, MY Daddy, your suffocating love and affection for me are truly an wonderful expression for me to not be afraid to give all just to love someone..

To my friends, thank you for your attention to know me.. honestly I haven't found a real friendship yet but I'm pretty sure there will be someone who will be my real friend. But, thanks anyway for letting me be part of your memory..

To those who hurt/dislike me, thank you for letting me know you, what you guys did will surely encourage me to be stronger in my life, mentally and emotionally, thanks for provoking that vulnerable part of me.

p/s: Thanks to all

Mau release tension jap...Sbb tengah emo2 ne

Is it My fault? Is it not? God I'm seriously troubled..

This situation happened just yesterday to be exact, to be frank I was uncomfortable with the "blame" some fellow pinpointing at me, ouchh Its soo uneasy to type the exact words you know? Of what I actually want to say? The story goes like this..

I was looking for notes for the preparation for my finals,but smhow I couldn't find the exact notes I was looking for.. our lecturer was so nice to actually give out useful tips of questions, all we have to do was just look for the answers, and that wasn't an easy task u know? Searching through books and internet, there were still few answers that couldn't be found, luckyly my roomate share me some notes she took from someone else... and this starting to turn upside down of the whole situation. Too lazy to elaborate more on what happened, in the end, I was being "accused" for plagarize other's notes.. and I was, WTH? Since when notes have its ownerships? I'm just trying to help myself and my other friends, well if you r the one who wrote the note, then next time please write down you own name BIG ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!! Seriously I typed back all the notes to compare with mine on which one is more suitable for me to write for the examination, because the writing sucks!!! Well, nothing was written there not to share with other, so what's wrong with sending out out to ppl? Hey I did tell them I was not the ones who came up with the answers, FYI information, I myself did try to locate the source of the notes, who wrote it, and honestly I didn't know at all, and currently the "owner" was furious because of somebody was doing that, and that happened to be me! Gosh.... GOSHHHHH!!! What load of crap is going on?? The feeling of uneasyness and unable to let it out seems the worst for me, if I am not wise enough, I just want to shout to everyone, Y U GUYS DID THIS TO ME? I AM TOTALLY INOCENT AND Y I AM PAYING INSTEAD?

p/s: mad is mad... i AM MAD right now

warghh!!

This week is definitely the most challenging throughout this sem, after lenten season of course, this time I've been tempted to feel hatred, jealousy, enviousness.... God I'm starting to get tired la..

Penat mau layan perasaan2 negatif ne, bgs lg sa ulangkaji subjek sa.. ada lg harapan dpt tambah markah final huhuhu~~

p/s: enough is enough, too much is just too much... XP

Often I envy other's strenghth, yet I look down to much of my own ...

At times like these, when I'm supposed to do smt more important... but this timeI just want to let out all the negative feelings I've been keeping.. in other words, to make this blog somehow an outlet for me to get rid of the things that kept on "poisoning" my thoughts.. during my previous post.. it worked somehow, at least i can tell the differences... more or less.. this blogging thingy feels like a "therapy to me".... let's be serious now shall we?...

If you notice on my yesterday's post, especially on the last paragraph I mentioned about "jealousy" right? Yah.. I AM STILL FEELING JEALOUS towards somebody and hate it for feeling this way.. really hate it...... tired of asking why I got such feelings, because I can't and still answer it..

My body is feeling strangely tired recently, do i need to jog a bit to release sm toxins??

need to pray... seriously