I'm grateful and I'm giving thanks to all~

Firstly, thank you God, for ever made me born in this World and is still alive today..

Thank You to my Parents, Mama, you are an almost impossible for me to follow your footsteps for, but you're a definitely an inspiration to me, thank you for being my mother, thank you for doing your role, thank you for loving me.. thank you for everything, I am grateful for ever being you daughter, I'm truly grateful for being a part of your life and mine too. And Achan too, MY Daddy, your suffocating love and affection for me are truly an wonderful expression for me to not be afraid to give all just to love someone..

To my friends, thank you for your attention to know me.. honestly I haven't found a real friendship yet but I'm pretty sure there will be someone who will be my real friend. But, thanks anyway for letting me be part of your memory..

To those who hurt/dislike me, thank you for letting me know you, what you guys did will surely encourage me to be stronger in my life, mentally and emotionally, thanks for provoking that vulnerable part of me.

p/s: Thanks to all

Mau release tension jap...Sbb tengah emo2 ne

Is it My fault? Is it not? God I'm seriously troubled..

This situation happened just yesterday to be exact, to be frank I was uncomfortable with the "blame" some fellow pinpointing at me, ouchh Its soo uneasy to type the exact words you know? Of what I actually want to say? The story goes like this..

I was looking for notes for the preparation for my finals,but smhow I couldn't find the exact notes I was looking for.. our lecturer was so nice to actually give out useful tips of questions, all we have to do was just look for the answers, and that wasn't an easy task u know? Searching through books and internet, there were still few answers that couldn't be found, luckyly my roomate share me some notes she took from someone else... and this starting to turn upside down of the whole situation. Too lazy to elaborate more on what happened, in the end, I was being "accused" for plagarize other's notes.. and I was, WTH? Since when notes have its ownerships? I'm just trying to help myself and my other friends, well if you r the one who wrote the note, then next time please write down you own name BIG ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!! Seriously I typed back all the notes to compare with mine on which one is more suitable for me to write for the examination, because the writing sucks!!! Well, nothing was written there not to share with other, so what's wrong with sending out out to ppl? Hey I did tell them I was not the ones who came up with the answers, FYI information, I myself did try to locate the source of the notes, who wrote it, and honestly I didn't know at all, and currently the "owner" was furious because of somebody was doing that, and that happened to be me! Gosh.... GOSHHHHH!!! What load of crap is going on?? The feeling of uneasyness and unable to let it out seems the worst for me, if I am not wise enough, I just want to shout to everyone, Y U GUYS DID THIS TO ME? I AM TOTALLY INOCENT AND Y I AM PAYING INSTEAD?

p/s: mad is mad... i AM MAD right now

warghh!!

This week is definitely the most challenging throughout this sem, after lenten season of course, this time I've been tempted to feel hatred, jealousy, enviousness.... God I'm starting to get tired la..

Penat mau layan perasaan2 negatif ne, bgs lg sa ulangkaji subjek sa.. ada lg harapan dpt tambah markah final huhuhu~~

p/s: enough is enough, too much is just too much... XP

Often I envy other's strenghth, yet I look down to much of my own ...

At times like these, when I'm supposed to do smt more important... but this timeI just want to let out all the negative feelings I've been keeping.. in other words, to make this blog somehow an outlet for me to get rid of the things that kept on "poisoning" my thoughts.. during my previous post.. it worked somehow, at least i can tell the differences... more or less.. this blogging thingy feels like a "therapy to me".... let's be serious now shall we?...

If you notice on my yesterday's post, especially on the last paragraph I mentioned about "jealousy" right? Yah.. I AM STILL FEELING JEALOUS towards somebody and hate it for feeling this way.. really hate it...... tired of asking why I got such feelings, because I can't and still answer it..

My body is feeling strangely tired recently, do i need to jog a bit to release sm toxins??

need to pray... seriously

Halooooo!! Lama nda blogging * hehe pada masa yg salah lg tue..

ya taula mmg sudah lama sa nda memblog d sne.. jujur sa katakan minggu lepas mmg sibuk-sesibuk sibuknya, sampaikan teda masa tuk cuci kain baju, sapu lantai,makan, mandi ehhh nda la sampai nda sempat mandi ba ahahaha...

so u guys wondering y only now i started to blog again?? Because I HAVE the time and IM bored... supposedly I'm on the process of revising my subjects to prepare for final, but can't help it laaa.. my brain just won't "digest" whatever I'v read so far, alalala... so alang2 suda bw laptop sne.. biar la sa lepas gian jap, lepaskan stress gitu.. nnt sa sambung study balik.. promise!!!

Hmm sa mulakan ngan creta facebook dlu... makin lama, semakin saya dahagakan perhatian dr laman yg "terchenta" ne.. maksud saya kan, kalau sa shoutout smthing sna, "friends" saya mestila at least tick "like" d post saya atau comment d sna.. tapi kebelakangan ne.. mcm teda sambutan jak, sbb apa jak yg sa post, akan berlalu gitu jak... sedih jg rasanya.. sbb teda yg respon, sedangkan yg kwn sa yg lain kan...ntah buduh2 camna dorang post pun tatap jg ada yg membalas punya... sa benci ngan feeling yg camne, seolah2 sa jeles ngan dorang yg dpt perhatian tue, sa pla nda kana layan.. pastu lama kelamaan sa pikir balik.. kalau gini la keadaannya, bgs sa terminate jak fb tue.. tp jgn la.. byk kenalan sa yg ptg2 sna.. better logout ja la.. abis final bukak lg... so keputusannya.. buat ms skarang jan check fb lu, mcm yg slalu sa wat.. asal ada internet jak... wajib buka fb lu aalalalallalala...

And next, is about smbdy... dun't want to mention his name, at least his gender is known already laa... I'm starting to lose respect of him, especially for what he did to me and my friend. It was a very long story and I dont have much energy to tell in detail, but in short, he had BETRAYED me and how he did it was not very nice and matured at all.. at that time I knew what exactly he did then my friend told me abt it.. I was laughing like mad at first.. but when I saw that many had giving their "support" for what I DID TO HIM (and I 100% believe was not my doing) as he said to everyone abt me.. i was starting to get furious.. I asked him nicely what his intention are.. and how he answered was unexpected.. and the furiousity became even worse... I acted calm at first, but when he started his own "symphaty gaining" game again.. I shoot him back, and asked him to remove what he said on sm website (I think you know which website it is)..... one more thing, the anonymous character he described abt me was not to cover up my name, instead make's other feel more curious to know who it is actually he was referring about... and that alone makes me very2 mad.. until now... Well at least I know his true character at last, I pity him actually at first, but to pity sm1 who does not EVEN try to consider other's feeling also.. i think its not worth it.. now my feelings for him is almost going towards hatred... I dislike him now seriously, every time he sweet start talk to me or anybody else, I don't want to care anymore for I don't trust him anymore.. Forgive me Lord, I forgave him half-heartedly, because I can't forget what he did to me... haizzz..

Creta seterusnya pasal kes cemburu... ya sa ada perasaan cemburu yang kian parah... sama teman2, teman2 kepada teman2... adoii.. malas sa mau elaborate sne, tp mmg sa cemburu sgt la, sampai tahap dengki pun ada jgk sket2.. susah la, saya manusia biasa jak, bukan santo2, x dpt saya hapuskan sepenuhnya perasaan buruk ne, alangkah busuk hatinya saya..ya saya mengaku saya ne mmg jahat dalam part ne.. dah tu saya sudah jarang rujuk kepada-NYA dan buat lg perkara2 yg berdosa... Tuhan tlg la "laknat" kan saya sket bt sa sedar... x sanggup lg tanggung perasaan gilak ne..

haha.. finish already what I wanted to say.. see you soon, or not much sooner XD

bye for now,

p/s: Illumination, is all my heart need at this moment

Ada satu crita lama, agak lucu tp bikin malu

HIGHLIGHT: Saya terkantoi tertidur dalam kelas!

Yup, besala smua orang pun pernah tertidur dalam kelas kan?? Bg yg x pernah tu sa puji kamurang la~~ Dipanjangkan crita, sa ms tue tidak tidur semalaman wat assignment, berjanji pada diri sendiri selagi kerja lum siap, slagi tu la sa nda mau tidur.. so besoknya.. sa gi kelas mcm besa. Kelas Proposal writing ok lg masih bersemangat sket, skali sampai Kelas Portfolio suda, sa tertidur pla pd kbynkkan masa, bygkan 3 jam ba lamanya tue kelas?! Sa duduk depan lg tue, lawak gilak sbb tue lecturer sporting btl2 biarkan jak sa tertidur d depan dia, aduss ktawa berabis satu kelas, siap tangkap gambar sa lg tue adididi~~ malu siot~~ duii napa la sa postkan dlm blog ne hah? mau kasi hilang tu rasa malu kali huahahahah..

So I learned the lesson the hardest way... I am myself, I set my own time, so any fault occur, then Its my own responsibility to handle la....

Sa bukan mcm org lain yg besa nda tidur beberapa hr.. sa ne Sleeping Beauty, pasal tidur la sa lum ada jerawat lagi tau ahahaha... len kali sa mau tidur juga nda kira keja siap ka tida.. sbb masa kuliah tu yg paling berharga sbnrnya pada pendapat sa~~

p/s: Manasal oku no di~~

lagu terjiwang tp paling best dlu2 la- End of the World by The Carpenters

Why does the sun go on shining?

Why does the sea rush to shore?

Don't they know it's the end of the world

'Cause you don't love me anymore?



Why do the birds go on singing?

Why do the stars glow above?

Don't they know it's the end of the world

It ended when I lost your love



I wake up in the morning and I wonder

Why ev'rything is the same as it was

I can't understand, no, I can't understand

How life goes on the way it does!



Why does my heart go on beating?

Why do these eyes of mine cry?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

It ended when you said goodbye



Don't they know It's the end of the world?

It ended when you said goodbye


p/s: adui sedihnya~~

And the torture continues...

yup makin lama makin parah suda ne, kerja kat kampus tu laa apa lg? Adui masalahnya sampai x sempat sy mo study pasal mau siapkan assignment jak... tp yg paling sa takut skrg ialah terjatuh sakit, demam terutamanya.. sudah la panas terik kebelakangan ne, kalau jatuh sakit... makna mau "babai" la pada cgpa sa kunu.....nda perasan pla satu bulan lebih suda hujan nda turun2.. aie mana ba suda suara sumbang menyanyi tue? Cuba test song sket.. mana tau berguruh tue langit ahahaha

p/s: sa suka lg closed book test dr open book test owh.. at least ko buli hentam lagi, kalau open book... aduh jawapan bukan dalam buku tue!!!

this season is tiring my body, mind and soul... for a good reason

Because its Lenten Season my dear friends...

yup walaupun dgn assignments yg berlambak2 cam mau buang ja p laut suma tue, saya sedar melalui penderitaan kecil saya ini teda tandingannya dengan apa yg tuhan Yesus Kristus telah lalui demi "assignment"nya sendiri, iaitu menyelamatkan anak2 Bapa yg dibuai dengan dosa2 mereka dengan mengorbankan dirinya di Kayu Salib...

Lots of things happened, shit happens, but the good events managed to cover up my sorrows. My days with friends has been the most precious time I had recently few days ago. Sometimes I complain a lot, and forget about Him... but this time I really do forget, this Lent season seems to make me understand that He never forgets about me and remind me that He is always there.

But what makes me sad now is.... I still haven't changed a bit, still the crazy-ass lazy-girl... sleeping hours is my best friend for now, and my campus work, I treat them as my enemy... an enemy which I suppose to love, because through them I can get my results with flying colors... I really want to improve my GPA this semester, and my course assessment seems the only way that I must go through...

Now the questions is, am I doing my best so far? I can guarantee you that I tried, but am not sure whether I did what I promised or not.. one thing for sure is.... my efforts are not enough! I felt that I wasted a lot of time sleeping and idling thus doing smt else besides study.. and sadly Im still doing it..

For the rest things, I gained new experiences unrelated to my campus life... gotong-royong at St. Theresa lets me taste the most delicious foods (porks ehehe), meeting Mr.Greg and the committe from ASAYO KLCC has opened my heart a little bit, I saw a bit of Fr. Danny's true color and Cap Goh Mei (Previously known as Chinese New Year) dinner at Mexico Hotel was awesome!! I enjoyed them soo much till my burdening feelings on my work has ease out a bit.. but they are worth it!! Can't tell much about it, Im not a good grandmother storyteller.. better u read my friends blog instead..

Till then.. see ya..

p/s: Ya Bapa di Syurga, tolonglah saya dalam memperkuatkan iman saya demi terus mengingatiMu serta lindungilah saya dari anasir2 yang bisa menyelewengkan matlamat saya, Amin...

I need to come back... dear Lord!!!

Yup sudahla dengan keadaan saya yang makin merisaukan ne, lepas abis flu hari tue, sa rasa smakin lemah longlai.. cam ada byk lagi toksin dalam badan sa yang sa x berjaya keluarkan... akibatnya, sa rasa semakin malas.... sa kena "come back" macam ne kalau tidak susah sa dpt "flying colors" dalam academic sa sem ne.. kalau CGPA makin turun, takut pla sa "give up" tuk teruskan course ne..... stakat ne sa blum ada "contigency" plan tuk menyelesaikan masalah ne... apa yg sa boleh buat stakat ne sekadar memohon pertolongan Tuhan melalui doa saja ne...adeiii sedihnya...